Vampires Suck

VAMPIRES SUCK. Starring Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter and Christopher Riggi. Dirceted by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. 80 minutes. Rated M.


A lot of people in this decade have taken vampires in movies and television series (from Twilight to True Blood) very seriously and take this title seriously and factually.  Of course, vampires do suck. However, many others take the whole matter far less seriously, so the title is a corny but funny title for this parody.


The writer-directors of Vampires Suck have been making spoofs of American movie trends for some years now.  They don’t get very good reviews but they feel that they fill a need for someone to send up the trends.  Audiences often get a giggle or two from these spoofs, like Meet the Spartans which took on Leonidas and  the campy treatment of 300. In fact they have written The Scary Movies and then directed Epic, Date and Disaster Movies.  It was only to be expected that they should come up with this one.


The earlier films had some laugh out loud sequences but sometimes strained for these or took refuge in bad taste.  Vampires Suck, following Twilight and New Moon rather closely, is not a laugh movie.  Rather, it is one that can offer smiles as we watch the spoof tone of the film, the send-ups of the characters (Edward, ‘the pale guy with the constipated look’ who powders his face and puts his hair in curlers and Jake taking his shirt off for no reason except that his contact requires him to take it off every ten  minutes of screen time).  Bella becomes Becca.  The way her character behaves quietly parodies Kristen Stewart’s rather morose heroine.


There are some incidental jokes if you are quick enough, a stab at Tiger Woods’ affairs, the movie Dear John..., no werewolves to be seen, only a Chihuahua.


Those who like the Twilight films and solemnly watch them (and the number is legion) will probably not be pleased or impressed.  Those who have seen the films and not liked them might get some satisfaction at the poking fun.  For those who have not seen them, they may wonder what it is all about.  So, a mild but more accurate contribution to the spoof series.


Fr Peter Malone MSC is an associate of the Australian Catholic Office for Film & Broadcasting.

20th Century Fox

Released August 26, 2010.

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